EAST VS WEST | BATTLE HYMN OF THE TIGER MOTHER

Image Courtesy:  Jacob Thomas for NY Mag

In her 2011 novel (more like a collection of memoirs), Battle Hymn of The Tiger Mother, author Amy Chua shares her stories of tiger-parenting and her experiences with her two daughters, Sophia and Lulu (both, now, Harvard Alumni). This book had the western media shaking, using tiger-parenting and child abuse synonymously, and understandably so,  here is an excerpt from the book: 

“‘Happy Birthday Lulu Whoopee!’ I added a big sour face. ‘What if I gave you this for your birthday, Lulu--would you like that? But I would never do that, Lulu. No--I get you magicians and giant slides that cost me hundreds of dollars… I spend half my salary on stupid sticker and eraser party favors that everyone just throws away… I deserve better than this. So I reject this.’ I threw the card back” (Chua 103).

In this scene, they are at a “mediocre Italian restaurant” to celebrate Amy Chua’s (the author and narrator) birthday when she rejects the card her younger daughter, Lulu, made for her. Jed, her husband, forgot to make a reservation beforehand, hence, already spoiling Chua’s mood. Lulu presents Chua a birthday card (“a piece of paper folded crookedly in half, with a big happy face on the front. Inside, “Happy Birthday, Mommy! Love, Lulu” scrawled in crayon”) that Chua finds insufficient. Hence, expressing honest yet offensive remarks to her daughter which leaves the entire family stunned, and Lulu and Sophia, broken.

Now, explicitly, this quote only portrays Chua as rude for blatantly reject a token of appreciation, no matter how little it may seem, a universal norm of courtesy. However, implicitly, this instance highlights two ideas: the expectations Amy has from her children, the dedication she expects her daughters to put into anything they do, and the expectations she has from them as obedient daughters. When Amy highlights her own efforts and dedication to Lulu’s birthday, she implies that she is a “good mother”, by the logic of antonyms, as Lulu does not reciprocate the same hard work, she is a “bad daughter”. This also translates into a broader idea: the contrast between expectations of courtesy between the East vs the West. In the east, parents generally have higher expectations from  their children, and in turn, provide them a lot in return to fulfill those expectations (resources, guidance, time). Hence, they also expect their child to reciprocate the same behavior (if not more formal and sincere, since parents are the authoritative figures in the east). On the other hand, western parents and their relationship with their children is generally more loose and values more independence. In this scene, Jed, her Jewish-American husband, and Lulu and Sophia, her American-raised daughters (and most readers), seem to lack this understanding (understandably so), hence unintentionally villainizing Amy. A factor that Chua also discusses in her book is the idea of tolerance, acceptance, and most importantly, understanding between people with Eastern and Western beliefs, which seems to be lacking when people read the book even today.